When faced with unplanned pregnancy women might go through any or some of the following stages and feelings. These are all normal reactions to a major life event, an event that can sometimes feel like a crisis.
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Some women realise quickly that they are leaning towards a termination. Others realise they’re leaning towards continuing the pregnancy. Sometimes they want to weigh up whether they’re ready to parent – even when it’s not their first time. Each pregnancy in your life will have a different set of circumstances. Factors like your age, financial situation, supports and physical and mental health will all differ at various stages in your life. All of this will affect your decision about if and when to parent.
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Common stages and feelings in an unplanned pregnancy
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- Shock
- Disbelief
- Panic
- Concern or worry
- Fear
- Excitement
- Exploring fantasies of parenting associated with your hopes, dreams and goals
- Exploring realities of parenting associated with your hopes, dreams and goals
- Practical decision-making (the reality)
- Coming down to earth (reconciled to the decision)
- Moving on after the decision is made.
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Exploring hopes and realities
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We have compiled a number of activities to help you look at the ‘hopes’ and ‘realities’ of your decision on whether to become a parent at this time in your life. You can complete them on your own or share them with a trusted friend, partner, family member or support worker. A diary can also be used to keep a record of how you came to your decision.
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Activites include:
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- Exploring the fantasies of your heart - exercises to help build a picture of how you feel
- Exploring your fears, worries and questions
- More questions for first-time parents
- Questions about the father
- Timeline of events - an exercise to chart your expectations against the major landmarks in your child's life
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These activities work well with our Pregnancy and Parenting Resources information sheet.
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References
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1. Activities adapted from Council of Single Mothers and their Children Inc. (CSMC), ‘Making a Decision Exercises’, ‘Life with Baby: young mums tell’, Carlton South, 2007, pp.19–22.
2. Adapted with permission from ‘Activity 4: Having a baby/Being a parent’, Johnston, Margaret R, ‘Pregnancy Options Workbook’, Ferre Institute, New York, USA, <http://www.pregnancyoptions.info>, viewed 7 June 2010.
3. Adapted with permission from activity by, Johnston, Margaret R, ‘Pregnancy Options Workbook’, Ferre Institute, New York, USA, 2007 & image by St. Luke’s Innovative Resources, ‘The Scaling Kit’, Innovative Resources, Bendigo, <http://www.innovativeresources.org>, 2007.
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